rekindled..

I suppose this has been the first update in a while. over the course of the last few weeks to months my life has begun to change dramatically..I just got out of my 11 month relationship with my boyfriend Jake over the summer, and I suppose there's many was to go about it..this monday, august 18th, what was what was suppose to be our one year..but there's many things about Jake I failed to realize before. Jake ended up leaving me for another girl.a younger girl. In fact, a new freshman at our school now, she just came from the 8th grade...stupidious I know. Jake has proven to be a liar, and a complete heartless person. He lied about this girl and I would beg him in tears to tell me the truth, but he still wouldn't do it forme. He lied about going to her house and being with her behind my back. I went through a huge depression stage, and I couldn't eat or sleep for a week. I sadly went into a downward spiral, and I had nothing. he was the one person I had complete faith in, my first love and everything between us was so insanely perfect before. I've changed since then...I used to be a wreck but things have changed for me. I have further seen the monster within him..and I'm way past blaming myself for these things..

well I'm updating for the first time in a long time..I've been so busy lately with school yipes! [x
well I've decided 'm going to re-do my entire page...I'm become more experienced with html so hopefully it will improve greatly..There's so much going on with my life right now..alot of new things..I have lost friends and gained new ones...alot of me has changed and I believe it's for the better..I do miss those I've lost but they left one good thing behind..they have made it clear I needed change in my life...and I made it..I decided I wasn't living honestly..and even though it's too late..I know the changes I've made will help me in the future..I just want those I've lost to know i'm grateful to them and I truly do appreciate them and miss them everyday...even if they refuse to believe it...basically im turning myself around and am ready to accept change...I will not change for anyone else..only for myself when I know its the right thing to do..well enough rambling...I hope you guys like the new changes..I know I always say I'm going to update more and don't do it but I will for now on.. [ :

I wanna see Disturbia..

has anyone seen that yet? Gahh I wanna watch it...I got my tongue pierced sunday, I've been wanting it for about a year now and I finally got it. My friend Emy got her brow pirced as well.

Eh today sucked, I felt really really left out ) : I've had this one friend since I was a little kid. She is one of the few people I trust and out of everyone I know. she's the best. She has always been there for me no matter what and I'm afraid of losing her because she helped me through some of the times where I thought I'd never smile again. I consider her my best friend and I would gladly die for her no joke. Well After about 3 years of friendship she met a guy. They've now been together for a super long time. And I feel forgotten. He claimed he thought I was annoying today. I've never met him or talked to him before so i thought that as weird. He said he was jealous, im guessing because my friend and I spend so much time together. I felt alittle frustration considering me and her were friends long before she met him. I'm not mad at him no, because I see it as understandable from his position but I felt kinda bad because Ive always thought of him as a very good guy. ive never been mad at him because of the times when i never got to spend time with my friend because he was talking to her on the phone or something. she and i were actuall supposed to go take photos yeserday but he called and she just kinda left to her room. I wasnt mad though because i know she enjoys talking to him and it makes her happy, i wasnt mad at him even though my friend and i were going to do something. Im glad he treats her so well and that she has met him to make her happy. everytime i talk to my friend and he is brought up i always have nice things to say because i consider him a good guy. Ive always had good thoughts about him because he keeps my friend happy and he treats her very good. Ive been looking forward to meeting him for a while just to finally meet the great person who is my friends everything. But today made me sad to say the least. He saw me as annoying and that I get in the way of their conversations, something about me making it hard for then to talk. Im ususally never around when they talk because she tends to leave somewhere. And it made me feel like gosh, ive always had good thoughts towards this kid to have him say im annoying when ive never done anything to him and never even spoke to him or met him? Sometimes I feel like when my friend moves in with him ill be forgotten. Just like many other friends have done. I just dont want to lose my best friend. And im getting worried as to starting to think i am. Ive known my friend much longer than he has and now it kinda seems like i dont matter anymore..Maybe im over exagerating but this christimas he is coming down here from indiana (where he lives because they met over the internet) and i fear i may be forgotten or shut out. I dont want to lose her...I feel like once she moves away i wont matter anymore. It feels like even now i dont matter really. Sorry about the whining, i just kinda needed to vent because im just really sad right now and i worried about losing her...